Large families have some issues that are unique to them and number one is - how can you do it all? There isn't enough hours in the day, let alone, energy in the body to pick up behind, feed, talk to, teach and be there for 10 kids. Even doing away with all but 5 hours of sleep doesn't allow me to be super mom.
I've watched Michele Duggar on 19 Kids and Counting and saw how she copes with all her kids with a "buddy system". Each older kid is responsible for a couple of younger ones and that responsibility includes teaching, dressing and being a second mom. I've watched the show and wondered if she even talks to all of the kids on some days. I knew that this amount of delegation isn't for me. I'd miss "mommying" them.
And I've read this post from another mom of many and she almost seems to resist having the older kids help the younger ones. I understand that feeling of not wanting to force the kids into a role that they didn't choose, but I couldn't fly this solo.
I guess I'm somewhere in between. I need my older kids to be thinking about and helping out with the littles in our house. When we go out to eat at a buffet, I need more than myself making sure the little guys don't fill a plate with just macaroni and cheese and gummy bears. As we head out to church I can only tie so many shoes before I start to cry and please don't think I can negotiate all of my kids at one time through the Wal-Mart parking lot. I need my older kids to listen to the new readers some times, because there's only so much "sounding out" that I can take in one life time.
I don't need second mothers, but I love seeing my kids take responsibility for their brothers and sisters. Helping someone out can never be a bad thing. Especially for this often overwhelmed mother!
1 comment:
Right there with you ...
My big kids were all very helpful at home (everyone had their chores to do every day). But, I was definitely still the mama.
My 3 young adult daughters have all chosen to not only work in children's ministry, but 2 of them have worked as nannies, as well. This has made me so very happy, because I can see that I didn't "burn them out" by having them raise the little one. (I do know young adult women who don't even want to think about becoming moms, because they were burned out by raising their younger siblings.)
The extreme ... one mom I knew was so upset when her 18 year old moved out that she told her, "When you get a job, you need to send home money so that I can hire a babysitter, since you won't be here to help with the children." What?!?!?! Horrible!!!! WHO chose to give birth to so many children, without any desire to raise them?!?!
Sounds like you have found a good balance ... as I believe we have, too.
Blessings,
Laurel :)
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