A Little Away

There's a most perfect time of day for me - 3:15 in the afternoon.
I've finished schooling the girls...we've done all our together work and they're busy putting things up and they wander away to their rooms. The five kids in public school are also shutting their books and are boarding the bus for home.
It's a very small empty spot. A quiet moment between the day and the evening. Nobody needs me.
And James and I sit on the front porch and we don't have anything important to say. And it's a little breath before the whole house comes alive with homework and papers, school stories and kisses and dinner.
It's James and me and it's perfect.

Our family, our church family and friends have been praying these last few months that we would soon get a decision from the judge on whether our 3 boys would stay with us or return to their mom. The boys went before the judge 2 months ago and asked that they be able to stay here. They have been with us a year and it's been a wonderful year. Not only has everyone grown close to each other, but the kids have come to know the Lord and grown in their relationship with Him. We have been praying that God's will would be done in the boys life.

We got a call two days ago and the boys will be going back to their mom.
It was hard. We all sat and cried. We cried for them leaving and for the hole they will leave behind. Little boy crying about losing a new big brother....sister crying for her best pretend buddy. Me wondering how to stop being their mom. (A year is a long time to love a kid)

But we had to tell them that through the pain, God has a plan. A good plan...even though we don't know or understand it right now.

This will be a tough transition.

Now that's Gross

With such a large group of males living under one roof, I'm rarely surprised at the gross things that go on. The noises and smells and pranks no longer alarm me.

But this was too much. Yes the toothbrush was stuck to the ceiling.

Of course....nobody did it.


And worse. Jeremiah brushed with it immediately after it's retrieval.

Mostly Great

What am I supposed to be learning with all the waiting?
No word from the judge on whether our boys are staying or leaving.
No word from the lab on whether Grace's new kidney is working or failing.
99% of the time I say, "Over to you God...I'm trusting"
1% of the time...throwing a big old baby fit.

Some Day

Our youngest biological daughter is 30 years old and left home for college when she was 18. I'm saying this to point out that if James and I had not been called into foster care/adoption, we would have been living alone together for the last 12 years.
And on those really hard days when I think about that - how would I picture my life?
Traveling in something smaller than a 12 passenger van that doesn't fit in any parking garage? Quiet evenings reading together by the fireplace and the book isn't a picture book or sonlight required reading? Cooking food that contains no cream of anything soup? Decorating with potted plants instead of lego tables?
No to all of them.
Here's what I dream of. Putting my scissors down somewhere and oh my goodness - 2 days later they're still sitting right exactly there where I put them.
It's only a dream, but it's sweet.

Some people you love because they're your family and then there's those people that you can't believe how fortunate you are to have in your family. James has relatives like that - Auntie Weez and Cousin Tony. They love us completely and that includes every new person we bring into our house. Not only do they fly down from New Hampshire to visit us, but they are among the brave few who invite our entire group to visit them. And did I mention that Auntie Weez is 95 and Cousin Tony is 60? They see our group of kids and encourage us in what we do, tell us that the kids are great and take the time to get to know all of us.

Last weekend they invited us all to their small bungalow on Portsmouth Harbor. Auntie Weez had bought candy and doughnuts, pizza and soda for the kids-so of course they think she's beyond cool. I'm sure we drove them just a little crazy and I'm sure we loved every minute of our visit.

What We Don't Know

Grace had a regular kidney transplant follow up visit at Children's Hospital today. She has been allowed to stretch the visits to every other week now that her new kidney is 2 months old in her body. The visits have been routine to the point of boring, but today I sensed something was up. Her doctor explained that her creatine number was climbing. That's scary and signals that the kidney isn't working correctly. The transplant team was concerned that we might be looking at early signs of rejection. It was hard to hear. Other causes of the higher creatine could be a blockage of some kind or too high levels of one of her medicines. She had an immediate ultrasound which showed no blockage. We were sent home with orders to lower the medicine amount and to repeat her labs in a week.

Wait and see.

Grace was worried and I was scared. Not another set back for her.

I called my friend Adela on the ride home and after listening to my recount of the bad visit she simply said, "Well, I guess God isn't finished with Grace yet."

She's right. We have no reason to doubt God who has brought her through cancer and tumors and kidney disease.

Wait and trust.