Tuesday, 29 January 2008

Eating Worms

I've been walking around enjoying an ugly heart for the last few days. The knowing it's wrong and not wanting to stop feeling it - kind of ugly hearts. My hearts been muttering, "Why do I have to do everything around here?" (and I so really don't.), "What about me and poor me and it's not fair, etc." That feeling you get when you drive around at night and you look into a strangers' home because their curtains is open just a bit and you see a little slice of their living room and their life looks so much better than yours. Maybe this is all from lack of sleep or some hormonal thing, although I think I'm too old for hormones anymore.
Yesterday morning before breakfast everything was wrong and I made some remark that I was running away from home. The teens were all thinking, "bye!" and my husband had heard it too many times over the 34 years we've been married, but my five year old looked concerned. When she walked in the door after school she ran into my arms and said,"Your still here!".
So between a hug from my mom (I went to her house and asked for one) and a five year old who was praying all day I'd still be here, I think I'm giving this ugly heart up.

7 comments:

jblieu said...

I think I need a heart make-over too. Bitterness comes so easy. Yay for Gabby and your very awesome Mom for convincing you to stay. It really would be sad if you ran away.

Jenni said...

It's so easy for me to let my emotions take over, until I remember that my attitude really does set the mood for the whole house.

I've asked my kids to help remind me when I'm being grumpy.

And oh boy. They do!

Perri said...

I hope you did something special with Gabby. She cured your heart ache and that's good for the whole family.

KarenW said...

"enjoying an ugly heart" We do that sometimes don't we? I know I do. Eventually, usually not soon enough, I realize that it's the enemy that wants me to hang on to the ugliness and bitterness until I'm snapping at everyone and ready to run and hide. Praise the Lord Who is always so ready to forgive and fill our hearts with joy. Praise the Lord for hugs and prayers.

Emily said...

What a tender hearted little girl.

Really, what mother at one time or another doesn't feel a bit sorry for herself? I know I do sometimes and it'll be something like my son saying, "Don't worry about that mom, I'll take care of it." in his best 'man' voice. love that. Brings me back to reality.

don't run away.

pretty please. (unless there's internet where you're headed)

jewlsntexas said...

Is it wrong to secretly have wished you would've headed in the direction of Texas?

Mammy said...

I get the ugly heart uglies sometimes too, way more often than I care to admit. It's frequently the six year old or three year old or my mom who snap me out of it. God is so good to us moms, isn't He?