Tuesday, 21 April 2009

Visit Day

One of my least favorite, but inevitable parts of foster care is "visit day." Among the kids we've had, these days have ranged from fairly unpleasant to a nightmare. For the kids, the visits are a collision of their two worlds- each with their own separate rules and roles. I have sent in a perfectly compliant 6 year old to mom, to have him emerge as a sullen, demanding beast. It takes awhile afterwards and a few reminders that "you don't act that way with me." I've also had the unbearable task of putting a child in the car who is screaming that they don't want to leave their mom. And it's confusing to have two moms, especially when you love them both. The biological moms are at a disadvantage. They're desperate and make promises that they couldn't possibly keep....new dogs and video games and assurances that they have changed and you can't blame them at all really. And then there's my attitude. I don't handle visits well...they bring out the worse in me. I don't like turning them over to another mom, even if it is their own. The evening after a visit is never perfect. It's a good night for everyone to go to bed early.
Good night.

6 comments:

Emily said...

I'm praying right now for peace. Praying that you see the 'other' moms with fresh eyes. His eyes. (just like the Brandon Heath song!)

So sorry.

justjuls said...

Sorry Kate - it sucks.
Hope sleep made it better for everyone.

Perri said...

Oh yeah, don't forget the part where the bio parents spend the visit time trashing you - or send home a note telling you that your are nothing but a HOTEL for their child. Love that one.


I'm sure you handle it well every time.

Autumn Quiles said...

I have always believed that hurts and fears heal faster when we get into bed early...

Thank goodness you are remembering that we are all human- even yourself. :) :) :)

Fifi said...

Kate I am sure you have seen it all when it comes to broken families and broken kids .... stay strong dear friend .... you are an angel to these kids even if it is only for a short while.

Halfmoon Girl said...

That has got to be so tough. I experience this on a much smaller level when my 2 oldest visit their dad- the rules are very different there. Whenever I read your blog I am just so thankful for you and the work you are doing!